For a few years now I have wanted to do yoga. I have only tried it a couple of times here and there but never really got into the practice even though it really spoke to me the few times I tried it. Since I recently made the commitment of getting into the best shape of my life in time for my 50th birthday - I decided that I would make yoga one of the mainstays of my fitness routine and goals. I figured it would help alleviate some of stress I'm under. This will not be my only routine but it will be one of the constants along with walking/running and whatever else I decide along the journey.
So I bounce myself over to a local yoga studio and speak with one of the sales reps. He goes over a couple of plans but in the back of my head I'm thinking... holy guacamole this is a little pricey...maybe I should just join a gym...but I like the serenity here so I'm gonna bite the bullet and make it happen. After all I only have 9 months to achieve my goals and I need to get started post haste! However, for some reason I tell him that I want to take the class first and I would come sign up after I was done. I had no idea the emotional roller coaster I was about to embark on.
So I get in the class and set up my mat in the back of the room; the sales rep introduces me to the instructor who gets me all set up with some blocks, a strap and a blanket. All set to go, right?? In my mind I'm going to rock this because I am a WARRIOR (and I am some what flexible). So the class begins. I quickly realize that I am in over my head...I should have started with a level 1 or lower class... but me being the WARRIOR decided to jump into an intermediate class. She is speaking English but I can't understand and I can't keep up. "Spin your left thigh towards the back of the room and tuck your hips" she says....spin? huh??? what does she mean? I hear the words, but I can't compute. "Downward dog" she says...I'm thinking yay! I know this pose...but I quickly get frustrated because my hands are slipping and I can't keep the pose. "Plank" she says...over and over and over and over. Then it happened. I became acutely aware of my body and it's limitations. My stomach is in the way, my thighs are in the way, my shoulders are way to tight. Next thing you know I have tears streaming down my face. I'm thinking how did I get here? How damn long have I been walking around completely in denial and out of touch with reality? See because in my mind, I'm just big boned and thick. The lies that I have told myself for years all came crashing down on me at once.
My initial reaction was run. Get out of here and never come back. But I finish the class (at least I stayed in the room) and am greeted by the sales rep on my way out the studio. "How was it?" he asked. I tell him that I need to talk to him in private as I am trying to swallow down my emotions. We sit in his office and I tell him that I don't think I can do this. I had a really bad reaction in there and that I may need to work on some things, lose about 30 lbs, and come back and try it again. He quickly apologizes for my bad experience and feels bad that he didn't ask me more questions and insist that I started with a level 1 class. We talk some more and I let him know that it wasn't him. I was the one who thought I could handle the fast pace. I just didn't realize that my body would get in my way.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.... My stomach (the thing that bothers me most) represented my pain, my disappointments, my failures, my failed relationships, etc... It sits there practically in my lap like an over packed suitcase. BAGGAGE! - literally and figuratively. It's time to do some unpacking! I also realized that it was time to breakthrough my breakdown. Don't quit come back and keep at this until you conquer it like the WARRIOR you are!
